Herald Diary: Those crazy, crazy nights at Clatty Pats

COMIC actor Greg McHugh famously plays the naïve and trusting Garry: Tank Commander on TV and in panto.

Though we learn that it is others who have been far too naïve and trusting when confronted by Greg’s wily machinations.

“Growing up in Edinburgh, our landline number was one away from the local Pizza Hut,” he reveals. “We received calls daily for pizza orders. My dad always politely told them the correct number to call. His sons, however, regularly took orders with large discounts.”

Clearly regretting such youthful roguishness, Greg adds: “Apologies to those still waiting.”

Windswept and interesting

ACTING in movies is a glam biz. Fame, fortune and a professional coiffurist at your beck and call to provide a sophisticated Hollywood hairdo.

At least the Diary assumed this was the case… though perhaps not.

Glasgow actress Nicolette McKeown, who can be seen in the film Lost at Christmas currently playing on BBC iPlayer, admits: “Styling hair is something I’ve always struggled with. Normally just let the wind style it for me.”

Honourable mention

THE Diary was sad to learn of the death of Nobel Peace Prize winner Archbishop Desmond Tutu. Many obituaries focused, quite appropriately, on his fight against apartheid in South Africa. Though John Mulholland was disappointed to note that there was no mention of the Archbishop’s contribution to the rhyming slang vocabulary.

“His name will surely live on amongst students,” says John, “as those graduating from university with a lower Second Class Honours degree (abbreviated as 2:2) will forever refer to their qualification as a Desmond.”

Lonely hearts club

A DIARY tale about an amorous assignation reminds reader Roger Stewart of a pal who once got chatting to a girl in Glasgow’s fabled Cleopatra’s nightclub.

“You’re single. I’m single. We both know what that means,” purred this suave fellow.

“Aye,” replied the girl. “Naebody wants us.”

Beastly behaviour

“IN 2022 I am going to dedicate most of my time to helping wildebeests suffering from hearing problems,” says reader Pam Hannah. “It’s my gnu ears resolution.”

Racy Greta

OBSERVANT reader Gordon McRae notes that NHS England have established a clinic to help people addicted to computer gaming on the internet. He finds it ironic that many of the consultations are carried out online.

Which is rather like Greta Thunberg organising a jolly jaunt for her followers to enjoy Formula 1 racing at Silverstone.

Mini break

BOASTFUL reader Grant Field says: “After much cost-cutting, I’ve now saved up enough money to stop working for the rest of this year.”

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