THE Diary has been patiently waiting for Scotland to conclusively prove it’s the mightiest sporting nation on the planet ever since our footy team suffered that minor setback in 1978, when we didn’t quite shake them up (or, indeed, win the World Cup) as we promised to do in our pre-tournament jingle.
Now the fallow years are over. Peter Wright, that majestic athlete and mighty Mohican of a man, has triumphed for Scotia in the World Darts Championship.
Reader Phil Sanders was on the edge of his seat watching the final on TV, though his wife, sitting next to him, wasn’t nearly so impressed by the sporting spectacle.
“So this is what happens when you give Sumo wrestlers pointy bits of metal,” she shrugged.
WE recently mentioned a reader’s distaste at Tony Blair being awarded a New Year gong. Ian Catling from Paisley rushes to the former PM’s defence, and says: “Contrary to popular opinion, Blair left a fine legacy. He will always be remembered as the chap who upgraded the word ‘spin’. It used to describe the action of a child’s whirring toy top. Now it’s a warning that a politician’s about to speak.”
Bus, ya bass
OBSERVANT reader Scott Simpson notes that Glasgow’s electric buses are manufactured by Yutong.
“Bet they wouldn’t have written that on the back of the local vehicles in the 50s and 60s,” chuckles Scott.
Nuts to that
THE other day reader Ken Chandler bought coconut shampoo. ”Though when I got home,” he sighs, “I realised I didn’t have a coconut.”
HOT off the press: it’s been revealed that China has built an artificial sun that burns five times hotter than the genuine flaming orb that is very occasionally spotted hovering in the Scottish sky.
On hearing the news, the husband of reader Pearl Keenan boastfully declared: “It’s still not as hot as me in my gardening dungarees.”
Pearl was not persuaded.
“My husband is 83,” she points out. “And his dungarees are only slightly younger.”
Bitter about sweets
IS nothing sacred? The Diary has been discussing the quirky design of Ferrero Rocher chocolate, which is ball-shaped and covered in little spikes.
Reader Anna Munro informs us that Ferrero Rocher chocolate bars are now on sale. Could this mean the end of the traditional choccy ball?
“It’s outrageous!” harrumphs Anna. “Next they’ll be straightening the bendy bits in a Curly Wurly and calling it a Wurly.”
Mind your language
AMBITIOUS reader Tom Hurst says: “My New Yearz resulooshin is to tayk spelin lesins.”