Herald Diary: Is this the perfect place to bury Celtic’s title hopes?

CHRISTMAS is over for another year, though fond memories of family squabbles, indigestion and crackers going ‘pffft’ instead of ‘BANG!’ linger on.

Comedian Andy Cameron’s recollections go even further back, to celebrations of yore. Just after World War II, he would help his granny pluck a festive hen, though only for Ne’erday dinner, for Christmas was a working day in Scotland.

As time marched on the family graduated to eating chicken at Christmas, and steak pie became the Ne’erday treat.

“The chicken was always fought over by three uncles who demanded they got the drumsticks,” says Andy.

With a humorous twinkle in his eye, he adds: “My uncle Jim brought home an octopus one year so that everybody got a leg. This didn’t really work as it kept reaching out of the pot during cooking and turning off the gas.”

Dead reckoning

AN East Dunbartonshire resident tells us that on the Friday after Celtic’s recent disappointing draw with St Mirren a chum of his spotted a fellow wearing a Hoops top lurking in Cadder cemetery, and remarked to his companion: “Surely he’s no’ here to bury Celtic’s title hopes?”

Letterish line-up

THE Diary always appreciates when our readers provide us with some profound linguistic analysis. “The final four letters in the word ‘queue’ aren’t silent,” says Mandy Nicholson. “They’re just patiently waiting their turn.”

Footwear… and tear

WITH New Year almost upon us reader Darren Burke recalls the occasion when he spent the festivities in Glasgow’s George Square, and spotted a rather inebriated young woman, who at one point vomited copiously on the shoes she was wearing.

“Awe, look wit ye done, hen,” commiserated an equally giddy pal swaying next to her.

“Nae worries,” shrugged the vomiter. “They’re your shoes, remember? I borrowed ‘em aff you at the start o’ the night. Wan o’ ma better ideas.”

Belly laugh

WHEN the wife of reader Colin Grayshaw caught him standing on the bathroom scales, sucking in his stomach, she chuckled and said: “After the Christmas dinner and Quality Street sweeties you’ve been putting away, that’s not going to help.”

“Sure it will,” replied Colin. “It’s the only way I can see the numbers.”

Number’s up

OUR prodigiously intelligent readers have been dazzling us with their wise thoughts on mathematics. Bob Metcalf gets in touch to point out that, “spelling the word “three” with only two es is a missed opportunity.”

The name game

INQUISITIVE reader Martha Reid asks: “If you come second in a star naming competition do you get a constellation prize?”

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