Herald Diary: From Gotham to Glesga

THE latest cinematic offering starring the big bloke in the bulky bat suit was released yesterday. Rather imaginatively it’s called The Batman. Which is completely different from the first such blockbuster, launched back in 1989, which was titled Batman. (Minus a ‘The’.)

The new flick was partially filmed in Scotland, with Glesga standing in for Gotham. Which is an ungainly fit. For Gotham is a crime-ridden, corrupt, filthy hellhole, while Glasgow… is spelt slightly different.

It’s strange to see the Dear Green Place on the big screen with a superhero romping round town.

Though perhaps not that unusual, for as the following tales from our archives prove, Scotland has many dynamic dudes and dames. Or do we mean dippy dafties…?

Off her trolley

AN Ayrshire reader came out a supermarket and witnessed a woman unable to control her full trolley on a slight slope. It hurtled away from her and crashed into the back of our correspondent’s car.

Quickening his pace, he shouted over to her: “Any damage?”

“Maybe a couple of eggs cracked,” she replied.

Tattoo you

AN East Kilbride reader told us his daughter was working nightshift in a local petrol station when a chap came in to buy cigarettes. The fellow looked like he was under 18 so she asked for some ID. He conceded that he had none, then, with a flash of inspiration said he had a tattoo, which by law you have to be 18 to get.

The chancer chappie then showed her a clearly home-made tattoo, and got precisely no ciggies for his trouble.

Plain sailing

THE Diary was amazed to discover that the Airdrie branch of cheap-products emporium Poundland was selling tins of yacht varnish with a nifty picture of a ship’s wheel on the front. A reader who was pondering whether Airdrie was now the Riviera of Monklands was interrupted by a fellow customer who opined: “The only Marina I know around here works in the chip shop.”

Invisible man

A GLASGOW businessman informed us that writing negative references for former employees is no longer allowed at his company, for fear of being sued.

He thought he’d got round the problem when asked for his opinion on a worker who constantly skived off before being shown the door.

“A man like him is hard to find,” he stated.

Clothing calamity

WE were told about a schoolgirl in Glasgow’s west end who didn’t believe her mother when she told her the school was having a dress down day on Friday and that she didn’t need to wear her uniform. She returned home in a huff as she had been the only person in uniform that day, and blamed her mother.

“How’s it my fault?” asked her bemused mum.

“You didn’t argue with me long enough,” replied the girl.

Classic(al) error

A READER was in a city centre pub toilet where a member of staff had put a typed notice on the cubicle stating: “Handel broke.”

The wayward spelling inspired someone to write neatly below: “Beethoven a bit strapped for cash too.”

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