Diary weekend round up: So what does Archbishop Desmond Tutu mean in rhyming slang?

From daft resolutions to Archbishop Desmond Tutu, here’s a quick dip into the best of this week’s Herald Diary

“MY New Year resolution is to stop using spray deodorants,” says reader Philip Hartwell. “Roll on 2022.”

The numbers racket

A MATHEMATICALLY minded reader recently informed us that 4/3 of people don’t understand fractions.

Letterish line-up

THE Diary always appreciates when our readers provide us with some profound linguistic analysis. “The final four letters in the word ‘queue’ aren’t silent,” says Mandy Nicholson. “They’re just patiently waiting their turn.”

Number’s up

OUR prodigiously intelligent readers have been dazzling us with their wise thoughts on mathematics. Bob Metcalf gets in touch to point out that, “spelling the word “three” with only two es is a missed opportunity.”

The name game

INQUISITIVE reader Martha Reid asks: “If you come second in a star naming competition do you get a constellation prize?”

Ferry long time

A FRIEND of Ken McLean from Denny received a Lego-type model of the CalMac ferry MV Loch Seaforth for Christmas.

“I suspect it’ll still be a work in progress for several Christmases to come,” chuckles Ken.

Clinical calamity

WE end the Diary ditherings with a daffy joke of the doctor variety, provided by reader Oliver Carr:

Doctor: I think you may be suffering from hypochondria.

Patient (aghast): Oh, no – not that as well!

Dirty dealings

DURING her student years reader Joanna Holden worked a range of part-time jobs, including waitressing in a grubby restaurant in Glasgow’s south side. She recalls her first day serving tables, when a colleague said to her: “Dinnae hold out on makin’ oany extra cash on top of yer wages. The only tip you’ll get in here is the kitchen.”

Hogmanay hog-tied

GLASGOW theatrical impresario Robert C Kelly has been contemplating the divergent fates of the UK’s devolved nations this Hogmanay, which inspires him to tell us the following gag: “New Year 2021. An Englishman, an Englishman and an Englishman walk into a bar…”

The name game

SOME people seem destined to choose certain careers, notes reader Lachlan Bradley, who spotted a Met Office employee quoted in the media, who answers to the fitting name of… Craig Snell.

Honourable mention

THE Diary was sad to learn of the death of Nobel Peace Prize winner Archbishop Desmond Tutu. Many obituaries focused, quite appropriately, on his fight against apartheid in South Africa. Though John Mulholland was disappointed to note that there was no mention of the Archbishop’s contribution to the rhyming slang vocabulary.

“His name will surely live on amongst students,” says John, “as those graduating from university with a lower Second Class Honours degree (abbreviated as 2:2) will forever refer to their qualification as a Desmond.”

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